After the brilliant fullness of last year I crashed and burned in December.
The day it really hit me was Christmas Eve.. I still hadn’t done any christmas shopping and found myself hurried and exhausted with all the other droves of people in a large shopping centre. One minute I was on auto-pilot “get it done” mode then next minute I found myself tucked away in the corner of Big W crying. For two hours. Think snot and tears.
Why was I crying? Nothing had “happened”. No big disaster. (Just the minor issue of completely annihilating myself with over work and commitments over the course of an 18month period)
My body was exhausted. My emotions and energy were beyond frayed. I was bone tired in every which way.
Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually.
I mean, I knew I was tired. The fact my skin had been burning like a Chinese burn on and off for the previous 3 months was a subtle hint, right? But I had deadlines to meet and I was having fun! Nothing a bit of ignoring wouldn’t take care of. (I know you do that too!)
After letting it all out, I dusted myself off, hopped off to do the shopping and decided a couple of weeks off over Christmas and New Year was just what I needed!
My Soul Self laughed at my Human Self’s two week holiday decision.
December passed.. my normally responsive body did not recover from the time out like it usually did. Instead I proceeded to become more unstuck.
Low level anxiety grew till it felt like strangulation on the daily. Panic attacks appeared like a boogie monster jumping unexpectedly out from random places in public having me racing back to my car in a white hot mess!