Most of my life had been built on the foundation of expectation.
Others expectations of me.
The expectations I believed others had of me (the operative word here being believed)
The expectations I placed on myself.
And, the expectations I placed on others.
Well… that’s a truck load of expectations, now isn’t it?
How can you not get tied up in knots when you’re eyeball deep in ego imaginings?
I was envious when I observed others who seemed to play outside of clearly defined and confined parameters! I was curious and lustful and wanted to know how the hell they did it?
I would scratch my head and think – surely, there must be some other game card rules, lost before I could read it. Because I wanted in on what they had!
Do you know what I mean?
Ever feel so restricted, suffocated and repressed by what you have to do and who you have to be?
The good girl, the hard worker, the ladder climber, the house wife, the good cook, the fashionista, the fit body, the successful (fill the blank) to have the house, the car, the gadgets, the holidays, the lifestyle the…. whatever, while following the latest season of some mind numbing tv fodder, while we creatively dry up and suppress our genius, so we can make the small talk at work the next day.
I feel exhausted writing about it. And half dead, because it sure as hell aint living if we’re disconnected from our soul and creative genius!
My inner punk is getting all riled up looking for a knuckle dusting fist-y cuff right now, so I will stop ranting and tell you what I did.
I got committed.
Committed to me.
And committed to the higher powers of the Universe.
Call those higher powers what you will – God, Spirit, The Universe, whatever. The bottom line of it is, there is something inside me and you and all living things that is unexplainable. You feel it, don’t you?
With my boot straps tied, I went in search of those lost game card rules. This is what I found…..
Integrity & Expectation
Anytime I feel that icky feeling I know I am out of integrity somewhere in my world, bowing to a preconceived expectation set, in reality, only by me.
Allow me to warn you, there is no place expectation is exempt from. He will willingly waltz in anywhere you should invite him into. I know, a real gatecrashing rat bag. Like – who invited you? (Oh, it seems I did)
See.. the outside world is based on a bunch of false pretences and projections that we have created in an attempt to experience the freedom and joy we sense lies within our core.
But by tending to this external world first we become disorientated and confused, building walls against our true freedom and joy.
That old saying – “It’s an inside job.” can really stink at times…. but it’s true.
Becoming sovereign and integral within our inner worlds, allows us to seamlessly move into our external world to have it reflect and meet us. So here’s the gig – we get to set our own rules!
What are your standards? What are your values? What do you seek? What do you wish to experience? How do you want to live? How do you want to express yourself? Who do you chose to be?
If we are setting our own rules and standing in our own integrity, then Mr. Expectation doesn’t have a whiff of a chance to roll in.
Lastly, you have to have guts.
Us human’s, we’re a funny bunch. We generally don’t do anything about our situation except bemoan it until we are desperately clinging to the remaining skerik’s of ourSelves.
“They won’t do this… (Fill the blank) and I need them to do this so I can…(fill the blank)”
This sentence right here… it’s combining expectation with victimhood. (I know it well because I’ve used it a lot.)
Bullshit you need someone else to do something first. You just need to have the belief and guts to support yourself!
If you cannot back yourself, how can you expect someone else to? Get up, go inward, explore around in there, find and stoke the fire and then do it!
My god… I will be cheering for you so hard you’ll hear me from here!
Your seeking, searching mind wants what you already have. Do yourself a favour and direct it to your Soul.
Get your rebel on.