Warning…. This is a slightly personal post.
For the Mumma’s out there….. how are you all?
It’s such a tremendous role being a Mother.
Tremendously time consuming.
Tremendously nerve racking.
I am sure we could add to that tremendous list, growing it ever larger by the moment.
And here we are in the wee few days ahead of Mothers day. The day that Mothers are recognised. Where consumerism gets it’s hefty chunk out of us too. Go on, take another big fat bite – us Mothers have a lot to give.
I’ve been thinking……
And feeling. And digging up old bones and discovering new growth, all in the name of being a Mother. And Im wondering, how do you know that you are doing a “good” job?
You see, my story and experience around Mothering and what that is, is limited.
As I have shared with you before, my biological mother died when I was young. And whilst I have a step mother, I haven’t personally felt as though I have been mothered. Therefore I have no gauge as such to measure my mothering on. No sob story here. Just life.
But I know I am not alone in this experience. Perhaps you didn’t enjoy how you were mothered? Perhaps the relationship has broken down, maybe it was and continues to be strained at best, or that you, as a child were doing the mothering.
So what is Mothering anyway? And is there a right way? A method? A check list of sorts to ensure you get a desired outcome, that spans across the needs, diversity and personalities of our bubba’s? What a debatable and juicy conversation that would be….
What I have worked out thus far is this, and it fits snugly enough within me with still some room to move… Mothering is cultivating and sharing in the growth, evolution and exploration of you child.
It is to create a safe playground, where you babies feel loved, nourished, supported and cared for, but also allowing enough freedom and risk to explore and play with their own developing Self.
Therefore mothering is messy, individual and uncharted. Common threads weave us mothers together, but it’s still so unique and individual.
Mothering to me, is open-ness, acceptance, and consistency.
Or that is, at least how I wished to have been mothered, and what I now draw on to be a mother.
And so, I do my best to provide that to my rascals.
But it’s no Kleenx Ad or Halmark card.
This household is full of wildness, love and a continually revolving door of fisty cuffs.
And I don’t know about you, but my children certainly have me questioning, revising, and amending my “job description”!
Just when I finally develop some kind of strategy that appears to work, they go on and darn well change!
And still, the common theme and question I’ve continually asked is “Am I doing a good job?”
The answer has mostly been ….. I don’t know.
And at the end of they day, my 3 delightful packages from the Universe will in time make their own decisions about this. Summarising the good, the bad and the ugly of what I did right and what I did wrong. I can imagine this conversation now – the laughter, tears, anger and love bursting out wildly.
And this is good. It means they have learnt from me, and they will take it away and edit it, compress it, enrich their experience of it and create it anew.
But still, I struggled, how can I know, as much as I can possibly know if I am doing alright at this mothering gig.
Take pleasure in giggling at the ways in which I’ve tried to measure and understand it.
I have gone about measuring my mothering skills and ability off what other mothers are doing, and how they are doing it. Sometimes this has been useful, and I will let out a sigh of relief which feels like the unbuttoning of too tight jeans. But other times, I have felt anxious and uncertain, especially when what I’ve been doing is different to the collective, or using another’s methods that just doesn’t seem to work.
At times I have attempted to measure the competence of my mothering on my children’s emotional and mental development and then run that against what the social norms and expectations are. Boy, what a mind scrambling and gut wrenching experience this can be. With the occasionally fist pumps, oh phews and contented curled lipped smiles. Yet still it felt somewhat empty, although comforting in it’s social inclusivity.
Whilst assessing my children’s encompassing emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing certainly is a great compass for where I need to spend my attention and focus, you’ve also got to make big decisions and choices based on what only you “know” as their mother. And well, how the bloody hell you do that?!
Through embracing the Divine Feminine within.
Mothering at it’s best, is the powerful and ever present force of the Divine Feminine. The Divine Feminine in action has us deeply attuned to the needs of our offspring, for she understands that they are particles of star dust, birthed from the earth in the chaos of blood, sweat and tears. Where we women are initiated, tearing our seems apart with an unending depth of love.
The Divine Feminine in action bestows all her wisdom, knowledge, power, love, fierceness, eloquence, bravery and nourishment in perfectly intuited proportions to meet the unique growing and evolving needs of our young.
My job, is to acknowledge and embrace this primordial gift from the heavens that is holier than thou and allow it to flow through me.
And when I do this. We – Myself, and my children, sing a song so sweet and unique that I just know, that I’m doing a good job.
And that is Tremendous.