The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

Living With Soul

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So I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a few interesting “characters” that lurk about inside me. They don’t come out too much these days, but I have to say, there was a time when they pretty much ran this gig. And it wasn’t exactly pretty. They come under a variety of titles, but to narrow it down, lets just say they fit under “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” banner.

No, I’m not nuts.

And if you are honest with yourself, you’ve got them too.

You know, the ones you try and hide. Even from your Self, but especially from your friends, family and society. Let’s be frank, we all have them. And it’s okay.

It’s easy being “Mr Nice Guy”. Everyone wants to hang out with you, including your Self, when it’s all rainbows, laughter and  sunshine. But what about when the “monsters” are out of their box, what do you do then?

I used to employ a variety of unsuccessful strategies, which included; nasty, unhelpful self talk, sickly sweet “niceness” layered over the top of foul smelling rot, or deep sadness. I tried to throw myself into tasks and duties. Making my life full of empty busyness in an attempt to run away from these characters that were making me feel feelings I did not want to feel. And I will admit, I have, in the past drunk in excess to try and numb myself and drown out the words of my shadows.

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Essentially, I was ignoring me. The real me. And instead I was trying to be this fake, plastic fantastic version based on other people’s expectations. Underneath this pretty exterior though, I smelt a little bit like sadness, and mouldy forgotten shoes. And it wasn’t until those sulking shadows got so big and loud that I had no other choice but to go inward and listen.

I didn’t actually want to meet my wicked witch, my spitting cobra, my greasy haired car sales man or the low blow villain. And I especially did not want to know why I had a five year old inside me who liked to throw giant tanties, or sob endlessly. I much preferred they didn’t exist.

Eventually though, I got my head around my crooks and realised that the dark and dirty characters, who have done some down right despicable things, have at times worked for me too. I understood, that they weren’t trying to make my life a misery, they were trying to help me!

Through Sherlock Holmes powers of deduction (or growing awareness) I bailed up my Shadows and discovered I was avoiding the inner work because I was afraid that I was going to find out just how awesome I am, how I do have the goods and actually knowing this (instead of just suspecting it) would mean that I wouldn’t be able to use excuses – all sorts of excuses as to why I can’t be, do, have what I wished in my heart to create!

Through ignoring Me coooeee-ing to Me, I had made a mess.  And a relatively sizeable one at that. I hurt people I cared about, and I had hurt me. When I finally looked around the chaos I relinquished my resistance. I knew what I had to do, and I had known all along. Turning inward, instead of looking to other people or activities was the answer.  And that’s when it got fun. Real fun! 

That bright, unique, individual beauty we are all born with, we are told we have, but then taught to ignore, just to “fit in” and be a paper cut out of everyone else.  We gotta stop that. And it’s up to you, and you only. It’s your quirks, it’s your yearning, it’s your passions, everything that makes you a touch different from others is what makes you rock! It’s your wildness, richness and your weirdness that makes you great. Ignoring the best parts of who you are, will turn those “goodies” into “baddies” until you listen.

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So do you have a rowdy bunch of “monsters” running amok on the inside? Tugging on your heart and lurching in your belly. Give them go, they want to tell you something. Sit with them, instead of running away from them. They won’t hurt you, they will heal and help you. Get brave and curious and take that inward adventure! 

Love to you! x

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